Ding! Ding! Time for Pleasantly Disturbed Thursdays, so get your silly hat on and hop on over to Duane Scott’s site for more!

But wait! Read this post first!

———————————

Today on PDT, we’re discussing the lies we hear every day. Well …. I’m discussing the lies I hear every day. Feel free to join in at the comment section at the end of this post.

Lie #1: Have it your way.

McDonald’s proudly proclaims that I can have it my way. Sounds good, doesn’t it?

Like a lot of pickles on your “hamburger?” Have as many as you want! Want ice water, as opposed to bottled? No problemo! Onions make you gag? We’ll leave them off!

Uh huh. Sure you will. McDonald’s takes credit cards, right? Wrong. At my McD’s, it’s cash or checks. Okay, so I was impressed with the way they scribbled the word “Sorry” at the bottom of this announcement. Nonetheless, I didn’t have any cash, and who is talented enough to drive thru and write a check at the same time? Not me.

So I have my daughter write the check, and I hurriedly jot my John Hancock as I stop at the window. I hand it to the scowling employee behind the window. She looks at it. Looks at me. Looks back at the check. 

“Uhmm, the total was $12.1o.”

I smile, and think, Really? Wow, it would have been really nice to know that your monitor is totally bogus. Please excuse me while I dig for 20 minutes through my purse to find an extra thirty cents. Oh, and while I’m doing that … could you please dig through your purse to find any sense at all!? Because this Mickey D’s experience is goin’ down in a blog post, bucko. And if you don’t want any bad advertising, you had better shape up.

I hand her the $.30, smile, and drive to the next window, where I see a bag of food with a hand attached sticking out of the window, silently advising me to get a move on. I take the bag from the other scowling employee, she throws a bottled water at me, and we’re on our way. Not that I ordered a bottled water, but it certainly explained the extra two bucks I wasn’t expecting to pay.  

Wait a minute. Something’s wrong.

“Didn’t you get a drink with your meal?” I ask my son, as I drove away.

“Yes.”

“You’ll have to go back in and get it.”

He groans.

“Sorry. Just show them your receipt,” I say, as I whip into what I assume to be a parking spot. Hard to tell since the lines haven’t been painted since 1978.

He tries the main door, which is locked. Makes perfect sense, being that it’s noon and all. He tries the other door. It’s open. He lets said scowling employee know of her mishap. Well, one of her mishaps. She gladly hands him a coke.

A very, very small coke.

He says, “I think I may have ordered a larger coke than that.”

“You got your receipt?” she scowls (shocking, I know).

“Yes. It’s right here.”

She studies it. For five freaking minutes.

“Yep. You get a medium.”

We’re back on the road. I merge onto the highway at the sound of paper crinkling and coke sipping.

My daughter announces, “They didn’t give us any ranch.”

We ordered two packages of the stuff. And the thing you have to realize about my son and ranch is that it’s everything to him. When it comes to eating, ranch dressing is more important than the stuff he’s dipping in it. No ranch is equivalent to no strawberries on a strawberry shortcake.

And that’s just wrong. Dead wrong.

So Mickey D’s … don’t tell me we can have it our way and then slop it up like we’re on some kind of hog farm. And please stop adding insult to injury by making me pay outrageous prices for this stuff you call food.

Oh look! Is that an Arby’s across the street? I hear their meat is actually meat.

Yeah. I’ll do it, Ronald McDonald. You always creeped me out anyway.

Lie #2: One size fits all.

What they mean is …. one size fits all fat people with big hands, big heads, happy beer guts, hippo hips, and thunder thighs.  

Lie #3: It’ll make you poop every day.

Come on, Activia. Am I really supposed to believe Jamie Lee Curtis when she proudly proclaims that eating one of your little yogurts a day will ensure that I have nice, firm (but not too firm!) poops every. single. day of my life?

Hmmm … come to think of it …. she does look kind of relaxed in those commercials.

Okay, okay. I admit it. I don’t know by experience if this is a lie or not. I am lactose intolerant, so I have to take their word for it. I’m just saying that I’m strongly suspicious. Besides, if it were true, wouldn’t plugged up Americans be flocking to the store, only to find empty shelves? I don’t know about your store, but my store is always well stocked.

To Activia’s credit, they do offer a full money back guarantee … and they’re still in business.

So it either makes perfect poops …

Or it tastes better than Yoplait.