So confused right now…

Being confused about life for me is not usually a thing. I don’t get confused very often. So when it happens, it really bugs me because it’s like this niggly little annoying feeling in the back of my mind that won’t go away. I might forget about it for a day or two, but it always returns, and when it does, I spend hours contemplating what I am doing with my life right now or more importantly, what I’m not doing.

Part of me wants to scream so loud at myself for being where I am right now. By design, I am not a moper or a defeatist. But there is a part of my psyche that can never accept what I have as good enough. To be clear, this only relates to my professional life and maybe to my efforts in various sporting arenas when I was younger. It’s quite funny because when it comes to my personal life, I am the exact opposite. I feel blessed to be able to spend my life with someone who loves me unconditionally. I feel deserving of this, but it took me a while to get to that point, believe me.

I don’t like to think negatively about anything, but everyone has negative thoughts every now and then, right? And my thoughts aren’t so much as negative as they are chaotic. One day I will sit down and be like “right, writing is my life, this is what I must pursue”. And that will be my only focus. But this week, I stumbled upon something that could really work for me, especially since I have a good foundation and skill set to be able to do learn how to do it. And it does not have anything at all to do with writing, but it does connect with the creative person in me almost as much as writing does.

Some time ago, I said on my blog that I wanted to study graphic design. As time went on, this evolved into wanting to learn a specific part of digital art, a much more niche area if you will. I am still working on this almost every other day, and I try to learn new things in Adobe, so I can eventually be ready to start creating work of my own to eventually sell online. That was never in my original plan, but I think I could actually be skilled enough to get to that stage.

So there it is. Writing is very important to me but maybe stumbling upon this article wasn’t just an accident. Perhaps I need to look a little further afield rather than being tunnel-visioned about pursuing only one path or for thinking that I only have one option to pursue.

See what I mean? The chaos ensues…

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